CLOTHE YOURSELF WITH SELF-LOVE

 
  Lately, I have been having a hard time thinking,its not like I don't have anything to write, but my emotions are not just connecting with my pen, to be honest it takes a whle lot of inner energy to put your thoughts into a paper and to make your readers connect with your thoughts just by mere readig them.
 So last week all that kept coming into my head was relationships and love, I was taking a memory walk through my past relationships (trust me guys its nothing to smile about) and some questions kept popping into my head, questions like 'Deola, why on earth did you date this guy'?, 'Are you always at your happiest when your are in a relationship, or when you are single'? 'Do these guys really worth you'?, 'Are you in love or you're just lonely'? 'Should a man's complements like 'I love you, you are beautiful, you are my miss perfect really define the way you see yourself'?, 'Why the f**k are you always attached and possessive'?  
 Haven't really had time to ponder on these questions, but what I do know is the fact that i am not the only woman or human who has asked his/herself these questions. But seriously, Why do people go into relationships? How do people know they are in love? Is there a connection between self love and going into a relationship? Should being in a relationship define your happiness? I am not a relationship experts, i can only speak from past experience and what i have learnt and read about love and relationships. 
 When you ask the question on why do people go into relationship, we all have different answers and some are for the right reasons, while some are for the wrong reasons, but really how do you differentiate between the right and the wrong reason? for instance, if you don't have any knowledge on how a relationship should be, or you haven't drawn a plan on how u want your relationship to go and you just think you can build a healthy relationship just because you met a guy or you met a girl and you think she was fine or he was the only guy to tell you how beautiful you looked in the last 6 months, then you are WRONG. In my own opinion you cannot go into a relationship without really having a relationship with yourself, yes a relationship with yourself. You have to learn to communicate with yourself, understand yourself, know what makes you happy, and what doesnt, treat you flaws, learn how to tolerate others, make room for others in you heart, and most importantly you must love you first.
 Alot of girls usually mistake some silly gesture for love, and when the man suddenly stops doing them, they feel less special or less human. Every man should always tell his girlfriend of his wife how beautiful and how thin she looks, its what we ladies want to hear, but should we use that to tell if he loves you for you, or if hes just playing you, I mean, he doesnt even have to be your man before he tells you how good you look. Is it all about the outter beauty, have you even taken time to note if he compliments you for your intelligence, your confidence, your carriage, and most importantly your independence, but because we are too shallow we let down our guards and all we that matters to us is if that guy noticed my pretty face or big butt, we dwell on self pity and eventually we are being lied tn and taken advantage of. I was or might still be a victim of that kind of life, I make every guy that comes close to me see that loophole, and they feed on it. You should never complain how ugly you look and how fat and happy you are to any man or even to anybody, this goes out to the guys also, never let a girl know how weak you are, most humans will feed on that weekness. If your man loves fair girls and you are not, don't get too bothered, there are a million and one fair girls out there for him and also a thousand and one guys out there who love your complexion, if at all you want to change your complexion, it should be to make YOU and only YOU happy. Lack of self love exposes you, it strips you naked and just anybody can come even without invitations.

 You can never find true happiness if you don't love yourself. While i was driving through memory lane and i was asking myself certain questions about my past relationships and how horrible it looked, i discovered that everything i did and the guys i have dated where not as a result of love, but as a result of lack of self love, i mean how on earth do you think that the only escape for not loving you is if another person loves you, if as a guy or as a girl you have that mentality, you had better change it, 'cause you are going to hate you more. I was a size 16, i had acne, i saw myself as basically unattractive to any guy ( i was still selective tho), any fine guy who asked me out at that moment was considered (though i didn't have a lot of them coming), my friends were having guys flock around them and i only had douche bags around, i was scared that i would end up alone, i wanted someone to call me in the morning to ask how my night went, i wanted someone to text me all day long, i wanted someone to introduce me to his friends as 'my girlfriend', i didn't even set standards for myself, i just wanted a boyfriend, i didn't care if they loved me deeply, i was overly possessive (not like they all worth it), so when they all left, i hated myself, i didn't hate myself then because i dated scumbags, i hated myself because i thought they all left me because of how unattractive i looked and sometimes i blame God for making me 'FAT'. I am very sure at this point some of you will see me as a fool,yes i was a fool and might still be a fool (work in progress), but i am not the only fool in this life, there are girls/guys out there who have been fools like me or who are still fools like me, but we are all a work in progress.
 I can't really answer the questions on why you should go into a relationship, or how you know that you are in love, because if i dive into it, i night as well write a whole book on love, but i do know some things that you should consider before you say you are in love with some one or before you start a relationship with them. Never ever go into a relationship because you feel lonely or you think you need someone to make you happy because you feel unhappy, rather you will be taken advantage of, when the relationship eventually ends, you might not move on easily and you just might keep going back them when they feel the need to use you. You are beautiful the way you are, and therefore don't need the compliments of any man to make you feel beautiful. 
 If i am to answer the question 'how do you know you are in love'? do you know what my answers will be? its very simple, you know that you are in love when you love yourself. When you love everything about yourself, when you are able to manage your flaws, when you are able to communicate with yourself, you will find it easy to love another person, you will find it easy to deal with the other person, manage their flaws, communicate well with them, forgive them, you would not need to feel insecure, in short, you will get them to love you. So, if you ever wonder why on earth guys keep taking advantage of you, why you keep meeting scumbags, why your relationship don't last, stop blaming God, or the Witch in your village,take time and discover yourself and be patient, stop wallowing in self-pity or make people pity you (trust me it doesn't turn out well), wear your self confidence the way you would wear your dress. 
  'SELF-CONFIDENCE IS LIKE A DRESS, IF YOU DON'T CLOTHE YOURSELF YOU ARE NAKED, PROBABLY OPENED TO PHYSICAL DANGERS, IF YOU LACK SELF CONFIDENCE YOU ARE OPENED TO EMOTIONAL DANGERS'_ keren