‘He’s a demon’ ‘He broke my heart’ ‘She is an opportunist’ ‘I can never love again’. Why are we quick to blame others when things don’t go the way we want? Are we so perfect we think we can’t make mistakes? A lot of people are going to hate me for this post particularly women but it won’t stop me from saying my mind because I also suffer from it this particular diseases.
We all have emotions and whether we like it or not, our emotions will show but the question is Do we allow our emotions rule over us? One very deadly emotional cancer that people let rule over them because they fail recognise it or admit is Self- pity. It is eating deep into our lives and relationship with people and killing us gradually. It is difficult for people to admit to self pity and the fact that they carry a huge fan and supporters called ‘the pity party’ ( people who are with you based on sentiments). Having problems still understanding what self pity is? Let me break it own to you
• Do you find yourself always playing the victim at every point in your life?
• Do you resent your life and wish you had a better life, or you find yourself always comparing yourself to others?
• Do you have the habit on concentrating on your sorrows, sad events of the past, your troubles, failures, miseries?
• Do you find it hard to take responsibility for something that happened and you keep hating and blaming others for your how you feel, where you find yourself ?
If you fall into any of these categories then you belong to the state of self pity and the earlier you migrate the better for you.
Pity in itself is not entirely a bad concept. It is defined as ‘ the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others’ it is a virtue that leads to works of mercy which includes; feeding the hungry, giving home to the homeless and so on. Self pity contradicts this, it is a feeling directed to oneself. It sees only ones misery and dwells in it. When you consistently dwell on the negatives in your life, it makes you angry, unattractive, unpleasant, unfit to handle any relationship with anybody and it’s draining to the people around you.
Every relationship requires two people to invest their time, energy, emotions, and all. So when one person is investing and the other is busy sulking like a needy baby it leaves such relationship very weak.
“ self pity is a death and has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no recusing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink”( Elizabeth Elliot)
No can love you enough to help you out of self pity because you have decided to get stuck all by yourself, you are selfishly indulging yourself in a very dark, ugly, depressing and frustrating land which no one else is invited no matter how much they love to stay. It’s just like a pig who has decided to play in the mud, no matter how much you wash it clean, It would still go back and no one loves to play in the mud, unless the pig decides one day to stop being a dirty animal and play in the house.
When you make yourself the centre of your universe, a very unhappy centre, it becomes very unfair to the other party in a relationship with you. No one said life was sweet, you might have had a bad relationship in the past, you might have trusted someone who hurt you, you might have being called different names, someone has physically, sexually or mentally abused you, life would throw heavy blows at you, blows that you might feel you would die in the process but what makes us survivors in this world is our ability to move on to a greater good and a better one. The hedonist philosophy states that ‘man yearns towards pleasure and tries to avoid pain’ we forget that pain is also part of this world.
You expect them to understand Yeah? They claim to love you so they should understand the fact that you’re not in a happy place. Yes, they love you but do you love you? When you lick the wounds of your misery continually and you expect the other person to understand, it just means you don’t love them enough and you are making all their effort to love you go down the drain, You are making them feel incapable, incompetent and very much useless. You are wasting their time, energy, emotions and in some cases you are wasting their life. Even if they stay with you it would be out of sentiments and pity, do you want some one to be with you out of pity? I’m very certain no one loves that so why create a pity crowd around You?
Examine yourself today, the first rule of recovery is admitting that something is wrong with you, most of us are sinking deep because we fail to admit it and our pride is killing us. Some people don’t even know that it’s what is killing them, while some people don’t just know how to get out of it because they are already deep in it. Self pity is a leading cause of broken relationships and marriage today, how long do you expect that person to stay with you out of pity? Are you getting married or into a relationship because you feel there’s nothing good about your life and that person is the only one who can be with you? How long will you keep that up? Let us not rub the word LOVE in the mud, there is a huge difference between love and pity that we must understand today. Pity would have mercy on you and wouldn’t tell you you’re wrong, love would correct you always. Someone who loves you would want you to love past your misery and get stronger and love them back just as they love you, Some one who pities you would be with you because of your misery.
Acknowledge today that self pity is ruining your life and relationship with people, count your blessings, work on your weaknesses, be happy always, reflect on your mistakes, do things that brings you joy and laughter to your face, recognise your strength, be with people who genuinely love and care about you, forgive those who hurt you, create new hobbies, pray, workout, don’t compare yourself to others ( you are who you are, nobody can be like you), life is not always rosy, pain and sorrow are all part of life’s journey, take your time to make big decisions and LOVE YOURSELF
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